Decided, for now.

I won’t do two years.

Though I’ve had a blast these last two weekends, the monotony of school life is just hitting me hard. I won’t be able to make it that far, I won’t be able to tough out another winter (that hasn’t even started yet). Classes are a bore, mom’s right, it’s important to do what you want in life, the sucky thing is, I don’t know what I want to do in life, though this morning, I had a flash of pure clarity as I watched my kids mull over their English textbooks that I missed being a student. I miss learning things, I miss HAVING to do something (or having something to do?). I miss those intense discussions, those classes out of which I’d drag classmates out for coffee so that we could continue the class debate, I miss feeling intellectually challenged. This job is a bore, a joke, where they pay me almost 3000$ a month to sit on my ass and be a tape-recorder. I wish I could set out on my own to some intellectual pursuit, unfortunately, I’ve never been known as proactive… Probably why I want to go back to school because, hey! Throwing buckets of hard-earned cash into the pockets of the education moguls makes it so much easier for me to feel obligated to accomplish something (if only that could work for gym subscriptions too…)

I like Japan. I truly do. I’ve met some fantastic people here from all sides of the world. But I’ve just spent a weekend with my old life, and it made me realize how much I miss it, how good it will feel to go back to it. I think I’ve made up my mind, at least that’s what it feels like at the moment.

Live it up to the fullest. Then it’ll be time to go back to my beloved Montreal, my city, my people, my life… And as I think about this, I hear the Respectables playing in my head…

J’pourrai toujours ben revenir,
Faut pas partir dans cet esprit la,
Si ya des choses qui m’plaisent ici,
Elles s’ront plus belles vues de la bas…

They were right. Every little piece of my old life looks so shiny and bright, seen from so far away… It’s like looking at the stars.